Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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