If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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