Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
