Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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