If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
