I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
