she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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