speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You're like the curious george of whores
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
