btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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