I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
even my farts smell like vagina
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Randomize
