Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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