i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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