he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
