the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
