id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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