i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I AM VODKA MAN
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
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