If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
