he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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