fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
