Your dad touched me again.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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