Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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