On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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