I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
