drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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