what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
