Banned from zoo.
Again?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
