never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
