i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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