just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
