is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
