I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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