Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
