i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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