someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
handjob tips. give me some.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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