Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
