Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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