Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
