He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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