I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
