Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
