i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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