I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
