my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
