Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I look better un-naked...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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