I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
