I'm so fucking centered right now
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
