Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Randomize
