If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
