We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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