Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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