it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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