i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
