Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
