So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
