i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
