Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
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isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
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Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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