Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
