I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
