oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
