My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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