The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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