he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
