i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
