You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
