dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
