we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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