Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
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I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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