apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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